The Raven's Song

 I worry too much about certain things. I wish I had never been raised Catholic. Why can't I get over this? Why does it stick with me so much when I have not been Catholic for literally decades? I hate this so much. They have no right in baptizing little infants who cannot choose for themselves! I would never have chosen Catholicism for myself. I hated going to private parochial schools. Hated it! I don't want to be Catholic so why the fuck am I still stuck with all of this fucking guilt? They program this shit into you. If you are lucky you escape it. I guess I wasn't so lucky. I got out but the scars remain. 

  Finances mostly. OCD is making me obsess over things. Like stressing over being stressed. It’s a vicious circle. I want to replace my Dad's medals and ribbons. I'm stressing over that because it's so overwhelming. I don't have all of the information necessary. I need help with that. I at least know where to ask for help. So there's that. Just a matter of how much help can they give me.  I don't know when (if?) I'm getting my stimulus check. The IRS and SSA have been fucking over 30,000,000 million of us. My husband’s and son’s checks are in the mail, so there's that. Could arrive any day now. I want to get out of debt. I want to pay off <redacted> completely. I need this check badly. This stresses me out tremendously. Plus there's stuff that I don't "need" but I really want. Bastet perfume. Dragon Oracle deck. Witchy books. I don't think I'll be able to get the tattoo that I want. I want to get back into Magic: The Gathe...

  From Monday, July 17, 2017 To, but not including, Thursday, November 1, 2018 Result: 472 days Or 1 year, 3 months, 15 days  Or 15 months, 15 days  -- Alternative time units -- 472 days can be converted to one of these units: 40,780,800 seconds 679,680 minutes 11,328 hours 472 days 67 weeks and 3 days That's how long my family and I spent in the Hell known as Haven House, a homeless shelter that serves approximately 14 counties in southern Indiana. To this day I'm still working through the trauma from that place.  Where do I even begin? The whole experience was so traumatic to me. I was an only child and was never around this many people. On any given night there were over 100 people there. Some were alcoholics. Some were on drugs. There were families. Some of the children were okay but the vast majority were horribly undisciplined. I was separated from my husband and son because, for safety reasons, the men were on a different floor th...

I used to have arachnophobia really, REALLY bad. However, I did have a morbid fascination with tarantulas. I have no idea why. Then one day I was at a certain pet shop that happened to sell tarantulas. I stood there for awhile watching this beautiful female rosehair. (The clerk had told me what she was.) I told the clerk about my arachnophobia and morbid fascination with tarantulas. He asked me if I wanted to hold her. He said that the female rosehairs were very gentle. I don't know what possessed me but I ended up saying yes. He placed the tarantula on the back of my hand and she started to walk around. She was so so soft! I don't know why that surprised me. I mean, you can look at a tarantula and see the fur. After the clerk put the tarantula away he asked me if I wanted to hold a black scorpion. Nope! I wasn't that brave. I just did not have to same courage with the scorpion as I did with the tarantula. I don't know why. I think looking at its tail really intimidated...

 It hurts me to admit that my family was in a homeless shelter, aka Hell, from July 17, 2017 to November 1, 2018, but there we were due to some unscrupulous slumlord whom I will never forgive. But that's a different story. At the time we were in the shelter it was owned by a woman that I'll call Bev. It has since changed ownership and has hopefully improved. Bev had to sell the place because she and one of her employees were both embezzling and Bev couldn't pay a sewer bill that had risen to over $20,000. Bev had 2 employees who worked at the shelter during the day, throughout the week. One was the aforementioned embezzler. The other one was apparently cooking the books as well. But I digress. There was also staff chosen from among the residents. Some of these staff members left something to be desired, but that's just my own personal opinion of them. When we got to the shelter we went through an intake process, which was to be expected. Then we were separated. For safe...

Just a little train-of-thought exercise, trying to get over this damn writer's block that I've had for far too long. I used to write a lot. I wrote articles for a newsletter. I wrote poetry. I never have written a story though. I started one once but it never went anywhere. I'd love to publish something someday... if I can get over this damn writer's block. I can't even keep my blog going on a regular basis. This honestly hurts me. I want to write. I really do. I want to play DnD. I want to have a long term campaign but something always stops us. (My gaming group is my family.)  We have an opportunity to play with another family online. It should be a lot of fun. I just hope my family can get the right characters. Some of us *cough* have trouble sticking with an idea. I already know what I want to play. I want to play a High Elf who is either a Necromancer (Philosopher kit) or a Wizard (Witch kit). I hope our DM allows the Philosopher. It's *supposed* to be for ...

So it's been awhile since I've written to this blog and so much has happened. There's a global pandemic (Is that redundant?) called COVID-19, aka coronavirus.  And I am very scared. My health is getting worse. My doctor (actually a nurse practitioner) is referring me to a renal specialist. Just one more thing to add to my growing list of diagnoses. Between that, coronary artery disease, congestive heart failure and asthma, among other things, I am definitely at high risk for the coronavirus. I'm now self-isolating for my own protection. That's not difficult for my family as we're mostly introverts anyway. Well, except for my husband. I mean, he's an introvert too but he has to go to the store etc when necessary, for all the good it does. Hoarders and panic buyers are wiping out toilet paper, hand sanitizer and other supplies. On the plus side he won't have to go to my pharmacy very often because they have a delivery service on most of my prescripti...