More Raven Ramblings - Probably Repetitive

 I'm trying really hard to deal with my anxiety and depression. Sometimes these things are triggered for me and sometimes they just hit me for no reason. My feelings of inferiority start coming in, or I start worrying about what *could* happen. Sometimes I start thinking about what I *should've* done in this or that situation. Yes, I get the all-dreaded "coulda, woulda, shoulda". At other times I do the equally dreaded "comparing myself to others", be that other gamers, others of my chosen Spiritual path, other writers... I blame my past. I blame certain family members, most of my schoolmates, my ex-husband. Anyone who has known me long enough knows that I'm emotionally scarred by these people. I've certainly talked about it enough.

Comparing myself to other writers is a problem... Yes, I know. Don't do that. I can't help be in awe, though, at how prolific some of these writers are. And I can't help but wish that I could be as prolific with my own writings. I know that I could be. I used to be like them. And I can be again someday. I do believe this. I just have to find the right subject to crash through this blockage. I'm starting to get a few ideas, at least I think I'm getting some ideas? Sometimes my mind just rambles and some of those ramblings seem like good subjects to write about.

I have yet to post to this blog on any regular basis, and I wish I did. It also has no set theme, though that's not as important. Mostly I get on here and ramble. But that's okay! At least I'm writing something. That's a start. I wish to be a prolific blogger. I really do. But the inferiority complex comes in. How can I be a prolific blogger if I don't have anything interesting to say?

I haven't written any poetry in quite awhile too. Believe it or not, that used to be my strong point. I used to write a lot of poetry. Now I just get stuck.

I know what happened to me. Please forgive me if I've already wrote about this. I honestly don't remember posting about this and I'm too lazy to look back through my older posts. (Hey at least I'm honest about the lazy part.) I had a heart attack in February of 2009. I lost my creativity then. My husband and I have talked about this several times. I've not really written like I used to, poetry or otherwise. I need to find a way to get my creativity back. By the way, the anniversary of that heart attack is coming up on the 9th, just saying.

And as I read over this post it occurs to me that the one thing I'm good at writing about is not being able to write!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My Memories of T.M.Revolution at Otakon 2013

Image
It's official! Takanori Nishikawa is absolutely the sweetest, friendliest, kindest, most adorable man on the planet! AND I MET HIM!!! O.M.G.! This has been amazing! Thank you Otakon 2013! And thank you "Special Needs" badge! You have made my dreams come true! Yes! I was able to attend Otakon 2013 in Baltimore, MD. I'm still in shock that this happened. (Thank you Twitter for allowing me to meet the wonderful people who made this happen for me!) I wanted to see T.M.Revolution so badly. And I got to see him! And so much more! More than I had dared to hope for. Friday! 9 August, 2013... O.M.G.! There was an announcement about 2 secret autograph sessions with Takanori... as in secret location.  It was announced when and where to line up to get special passes for these sessions - limited to 100 people per session. Thank you "Special Needs"! Due to my heart condition, I had a special priority badge that allowed me certain privileges. I&
Read more

Depression & The Spider's Web

The darkness is calling me again. Damn, that sounds so melodramatic. All these old negative feelings are coming back to haunt me. My depression is hitting again. I should really make an appointment and get back on my meds. I should. But there aren't many mental health facilities in my area. And the one I used to go to causes me anxiety. Isn't that ironic? Not because of the staff. It's because of some of the other clients. I used to attend groups there. I hated it. I truly did. Some of the other clients got on my nerves so damn bad. I swear it was making me worse. And I really don't want to run into them again. And now I've learned that my psychiatrist has left, so they'll have to set me up with someone else. I don't want a different doctor. I want my old doctor back. So what do I do? Do I try to deal with this depression by myself? Or do I make that appointment and see a new doctor and risk running into people I'd rather not see again? --------
Read more

T.M.Revolution, Kimonos & Spiderman 2

Image
Back in 2004, I believe, Spiderman 2 debuted. Okay, I must admit here that I've not seen any of the Spiderman movies. However, there is something about 2 that peaks my interest. Sometimes when movies are released overseas, the songs on the soundtracks change. This is where things get interesting for me. The ending theme for the Japanese release of Spiderman 2 was T.M.Revolution - Web of Night. Takanori Nishikawa was in L.A. for the premier and got to walk the red carpet. As this was a formal event, he wanted to look as formal as possible as a Japanese, so he wore a kimono. If I remember right, he said that the design on his kimono was his family crest. I hope someone corrects me if I'm wrong here. I've seen Takanori in several kimonos and he always looks stunning in them. And, in my humble opinion, he looked regal and elegant at the Spiderman 2 premier.
Read more