Progress: Seen and Unseen
Sometimes the progress we make on our personal journeys cannot be seen with the naked eye. Sometimes this progress is internal – our self-esteem, our self-confidence, our sense of wellbeing – and often difficult to measure.
I know that for me, dying my hair purple has made a huge impact on my self-esteem and self-confidence. I feel better about myself. People have complimented me on my appearance. People have told me that my hair is pretty. I look in the mirror and see a different person than I used to see. And, much to my own surprise, this new person is not unpleasant to look at. Am I confident enough to take a selfie? No, not yet. I tried. My selfie attempts wound up deleted. But the point there, for me, is that I did try. And that's something I would have never done before.
Reading "Gothic Charm School: An Essential Guide For Goths And Those Who Love Them" by Jillian Venters has also made a major impact on my self-esteem and self-confidence. I can say that I no longer have any doubt that I belong in the Goth subculture. I may have come late to the party, as the saying goes, but I'm here now.
For personal reasons this is important to me. All my life until this point I've never felt like I belonged anywhere. I was always a misfit. I never fit in. I never had any real friends at school or in my neighborhood. And I especially didn't fit in, or belong, to my extended family. But now... Now I feel like I belong somewhere. I'm a part of something important to me. I worried that maybe I was "too old" but I'm not. There is no age limit, no expiration date, on being Goth. And I feel validated. Yes, others may think I'm strange and unusual, that my interests are macabre. I've long said that I should have been part of the Addams Family. I've long felt a kindred to the Sluagh, the dark fey, as presented in White Wolf's "Changeling: The Dreaming". I long to live in some dusty old mansion filled with history... But I digress, though that is my point. All of this feels validated to me now. The "me" that's inside of me, trying to come out, is valid and real. And I should welcome her.
I know that for me, dying my hair purple has made a huge impact on my self-esteem and self-confidence. I feel better about myself. People have complimented me on my appearance. People have told me that my hair is pretty. I look in the mirror and see a different person than I used to see. And, much to my own surprise, this new person is not unpleasant to look at. Am I confident enough to take a selfie? No, not yet. I tried. My selfie attempts wound up deleted. But the point there, for me, is that I did try. And that's something I would have never done before.
Reading "Gothic Charm School: An Essential Guide For Goths And Those Who Love Them" by Jillian Venters has also made a major impact on my self-esteem and self-confidence. I can say that I no longer have any doubt that I belong in the Goth subculture. I may have come late to the party, as the saying goes, but I'm here now.
For personal reasons this is important to me. All my life until this point I've never felt like I belonged anywhere. I was always a misfit. I never fit in. I never had any real friends at school or in my neighborhood. And I especially didn't fit in, or belong, to my extended family. But now... Now I feel like I belong somewhere. I'm a part of something important to me. I worried that maybe I was "too old" but I'm not. There is no age limit, no expiration date, on being Goth. And I feel validated. Yes, others may think I'm strange and unusual, that my interests are macabre. I've long said that I should have been part of the Addams Family. I've long felt a kindred to the Sluagh, the dark fey, as presented in White Wolf's "Changeling: The Dreaming". I long to live in some dusty old mansion filled with history... But I digress, though that is my point. All of this feels validated to me now. The "me" that's inside of me, trying to come out, is valid and real. And I should welcome her.
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