The Raven's Song

If truth be told, we haven't gotten a good tabletop RPG going in quite a very long time. ("We" being myself and my family.) Something always happens to cause us problems. Usually it's someone not really liking their character or coming up with a new character idea. The last problem we had involved my character being broken and out of balance. I should back up and explain. Many years ago I created an NPC named Sytch. She was a somewhat ungoblin-like goblin inspired by Squee from Magic: The Gathering. Sytch was smarter than other goblins and she was actually cute. I never played Sytch as my character. She was always an NPC, though she made her appearance in many of our games. I had grown quite fond of the little goblin girl and didn't think I could do her justice if I tried to play her. I actually did try to play her before, unsuccessfully.  I thought I had found a solution. Our games are a mix of D&D and Pathfinder, with a few other sources as necessary. It was...

I am going to try experimenting with "train of thought" writing. It's supposed to be a good exercise for writers. It may come across as babbling incoherencies at times, but at least I'm putting words into written form. And that's all I can hope to do at this point. Yes? Where to start? My depression has been getting worse, usually at night. Could quite possibly be Seasonal Affective Disorder. Yes, I talked to my psychiatrist and he increased the dosage of my antidepressant. But until that kicks in, I just want to cry.  Life feels like it's so full of "NEVER" right now. I'll never be an actress like I had wanted. I'll never be a dancer like I had wanted. I'll never be a writer and/or poet like I had wanted. I've had Writer's Block for probably 10 years now? I don't think I've written anything worthwhile since I had my heart attack in February, 2009. And I don't know how to break out of this, or if I even can. I c...

I suppose I should preface this. I enjoy playing tabletop role-playing games with my family. We usually use a d20 homebrew that includes Dungeons & Dragons and Pathfinder. The following is a biography that I'm working on for my current character: My name is Raven Anjelica... Raven Anjelica Addams-Crowley, to be precise. I am a Sluagh. I really am, you know. I should know what I am shouldn't I? You do know what a Sluagh is, don't you? We are the things that go scritch in the night. We are the unexplained shadows, the whispers in the dark, striking fear into the hearts of wicked little children – and sometimes adults. I live with my Great-Great-Great Grandmama in a lovely secluded and dilapidated Victorian country manor. You'll never find it unless you know exactly where to look. There is so much history within these tattered walls!  We have an attached greenhouse with delightfully shattered windows. When the wind blows through the broken windows just right ...

Sometimes the progress we make on our personal journeys cannot be seen with the naked eye. Sometimes this progress is internal – our self-esteem, our self-confidence, our sense of wellbeing – and often difficult to measure. I know that for me, dying my hair purple has made a huge impact on my self-esteem and self-confidence. I feel better about myself. People have complimented me on my appearance. People have told me that my hair is pretty. I look in the mirror and see a different person than I used to see. And, much to my own surprise, this new person is not unpleasant to look at. Am I  confident enough to take a selfie? No, not yet. I tried. My selfie attempts wound up deleted. But the point there, for me, is that I did try. And that's something I would have never done before. Reading "Gothic Charm School: An Essential Guide For Goths And Those Who Love Them" by Jillian Venters has also made a major impact on my self-esteem and self-confidence. I can say that I no l...

I did something brave. At least, for me it was brave. Despite anxiety and apprehension, low self-esteem and low self-confidence, worrying about what other people might think, and worrying what I myself might think afterwards, I dyed my hair purple. Seriously, this was one of the bravest things I've ever done. It's darker than I originally had wanted but it turned out really well. It's very Goth-y. I'm proud of myself for taking my first real step in becoming the real me. It honestly amazes me how doing just this one thing already makes me feel better about myself. I hope this picture shows just how purple it is. On a side note, I started wearing make-up again. I hadn't worn any for quite awhile, but I didn't want to go outside with beautiful purple hair and a bland face. And I immediately got complimented by a lady who works at my pharmacy. That made me feel so good! I actually felt pretty! But not brave enough for a selfie. Another thing I did to he...

Please call me Raven. I've been through a lot these past few years, most of it hell. And, without going into the long sordid details, let me just say that I have lost my sense of self. I'm not sure who I am anymore, although I know that I'm not the person I used to be. I need to find out who I am now.  Who am I? I grew up having Catholicism forced upon me. I went to a very small, private parochial school for 12 years, and I hated every minute of it. When I went away to college I discovered my real Path, my Calling. I am a Pagan. And I am a Witch. Has this Path been easy for me? The short answer is no. I have had no real guidance aside from books and websites. After all these years I still believe myself to be a novice. I have so much more to learn. Am I sure that this is the right Path for me? Absolutely. Novice or not, my beliefs here are very strong. I know what I believe.  I know that I am Goth, although I wasn't always aware of this. I never dressed the...

Bast is watching over me. She is sending happiness and good luck to me. We have moved into our new apartment! Bast has also addressed my need for a kitty. I got my letter for an Emotional Support Kitty!! Haven House accepted it, but we moved before I got my kitty. I actually got her the day we moved. AND I got her cage-mate too. The Housing Authority said that I could because one is a "Service". The other is a pet. Both are 2 years old: Sunshine (who is orange) and Sandra (who is black). Sunshine needed me. She's missing part of an ear and has crusty, weepy eyes. But I think she's beautiful. These kitties will help me heal this heartache. They will heal my soul. They will ease my fears and calm my nerves. They will help me heal from the past that was so painful for me. I give them both credit for this because both are sweet, wonderful kitties full of love. Bast is looking out for me. She is bringing me happiness and joy.  Blessed Bast, Mother Goddess of a...